So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
