when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
