Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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