i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize