in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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