Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
