I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
