Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
