Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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