So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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