Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
