I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize