I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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