actually, I'm a sock model
What a fucking waste of an outfit
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
