so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
