At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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