I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
