your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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