We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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