We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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