On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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