Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
