You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
