Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I need moral support for this bender
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize