is your mom at the bar?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
