Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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