last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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