Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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