I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize