You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
