Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
