I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Randomize
