Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.

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(408): View more from California

Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.

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(256): View more from Alabama

smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl

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(716): View more from New York

For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous

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(647): View more from Ontario

The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.

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(650): View more from California

WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM

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(705): View more from Ontario

You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.

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