If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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