Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
