I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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