Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
