I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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