Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
