Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
