Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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