Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
NoShamevember. You game?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
