I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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