god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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