my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
