Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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