ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
