I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
