I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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