At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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