There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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