my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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