There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
