There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
True but thats because hes a fetus.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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