i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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