found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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