I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
