As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
