matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
