So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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