Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize