party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
