return my video game
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i would punch a child for taco bell
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
