I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
birth control should be required to get into college
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize