Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
