I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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