theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
