Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
