So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
