Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
