well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
