What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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