Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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