I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
