If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
