dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Randomize
