I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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