Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
