I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i barfeds in our rink
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
