I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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