I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
