she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
