I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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