it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
