But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
